This Sunday, just yesterday...

Gary and I heard the worship team practicing as we walked up to church in time for 9:30 prayer. Gary entered the sanctuary - I sat down in the kitchen with 3 guests watching Juergen put prices on kids CD's that had arrived. We poured cups of coffee, shook hands, ... stumbled over brief introductions and began a sporadic conversation rhythm of question, answer, awkward silences (known all to well by uncomfortable first-timers who are not sure why they consented to come).
Suddenly an unsolicited confession directed at me so not everyone would hear:
I don't 'get' this church thing...
God wasn't there when...
He didn't... ..., when I think He could have...
and I can't believe He cares that...
I don't think you can understand me, can you?
You are right, I don't understand the depth of your disappointment;
However, I think I can understand why it feels like he wasn't there...
I am so sorry.
You are right, I was taught by my parents, and now as an adult I choose to believe God is always everywhere...; it is true that I also reach limits and don't understand why life is unfair
I am so sorry.
Caught in a wave of shared emotion: we cried, shared deep hurt and ache...and kleenex.
If I could see him like I can see you...
then maybe I could know... like you say you do.
Maybe then I could believe this God stuff is real...
maybe then I could know him.
Reflecting, I pray a silent prayer:
God, please remove what blinds the eye to see you
the ear to hear you and the heart to know you.
God, please make yourself known... show yourself ...
... in a personal, private, individual understood way...
please answer the many questions and doubts.
How can they know if they aren't told?
What about you will she see thru me? What will she learn?
Gott war doch da...
God, I believe you were there... you are here... God you are!!!